Go Nerd for Halloween!
The Freakiest Nerd of the 80's
So let’s take a moment to review the whole Nerd issue here. Aside from the Alpha Betas, the rest of us generally like nerds. They make cool gadgets and games to keep the rest of us occupied, they are pretty funny in the movies and on TV, and it is not very likely they will steal your girlfriend. For the most part nerds are harmless except for inventing things like biological weapons, laboratory viruses, and weapons of mass destruction that could lead to global thermonuclear war. Everything considered, they’re okay people, too.
So let’s assume, for arguments sake, that on Halloween you decide you want to dress up as an 80’s nerd. How do you go about it? Well, that may not be as complicated as you think. There are three basic steps to dressing as an 80’s nerd.
How to Dress Like a Nerd From the 80’s
Step 1: Go for a nerdy hairstyle.
Like, dude’s, here’s what you do. Grease the hell out of your hair and comb it to one side in the front. Make sure you have short hair. Geeks have short hair. Remember that.
Like, ladies, here’s what you do. Wear your hair long and straight. Then go for the bun, or braid a tight ponytail on the back of your head.
Step 2: Dress appropriately in nerd attire.
Dude’s, it’s all about the button down collar, you know! Make sure you have double breasted pockets on that shirt! Then put on narrow, long slacks pulled up high on the waist and then fold them up a few times to show off those white socks. Then put on either a vest or suspenders. Why not both? This was the decade of EXCESS.
Ladies, a long sleeved dress or top is a must. And the dress or skirt has to be full length. Show no leg at all. We’re talking all the way down to the ankles. Possibly a smock or overall style. Then a cardigan sweater that is either one size too big or one size too small.
Step 3: Accessorize!
For starters, make sure you’re carrying a book of some kind, preferably a math book that even a professor couldn’t understand. Guys, black thick rimmed glasses are a good choice and make sure you have a pencil behind your ear. You will be much more nerdy when you attach the bow tie around your neck. A clip on will do, let’s not get fancy here. Slide a few pens and a calculator in your shirt pocket and you’re all set.
Ladies, eye glasses for you, too! Go for the round, thick rimmed glasses with a chain around the neck. A watch is okay, but any other jewelry is out of the question.
You know what is a totally scary question to ask? Try this one on for size.
Who was the most freaky nerd of the 80’s? Answer: Dr. Ruth!
Am I alone here on this Dr. Ruth thing? I would literally blush as I listened to this old woman go on about orgasms and vaginas. The audience around her would giggle a little bit probably because she came off as a bit nerdy as she discussed the embarrassing issue of the week. Maybe it was her accent. For whatever reason I couldn’t take this little lady too seriously. I’m sure I wasn’t the only teenager watching her show once in a while with the volume low seeking any information about sex that you couldn’t find out about on late night HBO or Cinemax. For all I know she could have been asexual. But she certainly came across as nerdy!
Who do you think was the freakiest nerd of the 80’s?
So we know that nerds impacted everything. The culture, the games, the movies. They also impacted the music. It may not be overly obvious because I don’t recall ever hearing a song dedicated to computers or playing Dungeons & Dragons, but listen to the lyrics of your favorite 80’s songs sometime and maybe you’ll pick up a few nerdy lyrics now and again. Remember the song “I Don’t Like Monday’s” by the Boomtown Rats? Nothing nerdy about that until you get to the part that says, “…the silicon chip inside her head was switched to overload.”
How about Rick Springfield’s hit that railed against our constant need for technology called “Human Touch?” Or the ever classic hit by Oingo Boingo, “Weird Science.” The nerd references are out there for you to hear. So next time you break out that 80’s greatest hits CD for a road trip, listen for the nerd references. They are everywhere.