Getting Colder

From the #writingpromptchallenge. The 3 drawn cards are below. You know the drill.

Small wild animal, Bounced check, Person answering a personals ad

“What will it be tonight, Dave?”

Dave saddled up on his usual stool at the end of the bar and rubbed his five o’clock shadow. It was starting to show some signs of gray. Lately it was more of a salt and pepper kind of look. He wasn’t lazy. He used to be clean shaven every single day. The last few months he left the scruffy look. It seemed like the only thing that Amy liked about him. Fifteen years of marriage and that was the only thing left about him and their relationship that she had to cling to. He hung his head and sighed.

“Michelob Light, Kev. I’m keeping it simple tonight. Just enough to whet the whistle before I head home.”

“Coming right up, buddy. Long week?”

“Long year,” he said. He didn’t feel like elaborating. He’d only stopped by to avoid going straight home. He had no intention of being a buzz kill for anyone else coming in to the Sunset Pub for a fun and relaxing evening. Mikey and the trio were just launching their set. It was jazz night at the bar. The place would be filled up within the hour. He’d head home then.

Kevin slid a cold bottle in front of him and left him to his thoughts. Dave looked in the mirror and noticed a few more patrons coming behind him. Smiles on their faces. The sound of laughter. He looked at himself in the mirror and gave himself a half-assed smile.

“What’s got you down, kid?” an old familiar voice asked.

Dave looked up from the bottle and at the face in the mirror of the man sitting beside him. “Life,” was the only answer he could come up with.

The older man let an uncomfortable silence linger before he turned slightly to look at Dave. “Find any answers in that bottle? Or in the wine?”

“Not too many. But I’m sure any answers are out there. I’m just doing my best to get by.” That was all he knew to say. He wasn’t in the mood for conversation. The older man prodded anyway.

“What happened today that brought you here?”

Dave thought for a minute before looking up from his bottle. He looked at the older man. He had the same five o’clock shadow but only his was full grey. He had a tiredness in his eyes. A sadness. It looked familiar. He looked back at himself in the mirror and saw the same look in his own eyes.

“Just a bad day from the start, if you really want to know.”

“I do want to know,” the older man said with a soft smile. “Tell me about it.”

The alarm woke him at six that morning. He rolled out of bed, his back still sore from the hours of overtime he’d been working lately down at the lumber yard. He got dressed, fixed a bite to eat, and looked back in on his wife still sleeping before he left for the day. She was awake. He saw her eyes opened for a moment but she pretended to be asleep. It was for the best, though. She didn’t want to look at him. For some reason he’d watched as his marriage had slipped away the past couple of years.

On his way to work he stopped to meet a man named Darryl that he’d connected with on an ad-space on social media. Dave had decided to sell his old fishing equipment on the cheap. He hadn’t even enjoyed that in years and had mostly lost touch with the friends he used to go on trips with. He’d run into them every once in a while in the grocery or at Walmart but things weren’t the same as they used to me. They’d laugh and chat it up for a few minutes, but life had taken them all in different directions. Dave didn’t even know who he was anymore. And without Amy’s smile and bubbly laugh he felt alone in a world of his own making.

He went to cash the check at lunch. The man was supposed to pay in cash but he didn’t have any and wrote a check that Dave reluctantly took. The check bounced. He called the man’s cell phone but it was disconnected. Probably one of those cheap burner phones. He’d been scammed by a stranger from an online ad. Amy would for sure point that out to him if he bothered to tell her. It would be one more reason to criticize. But the criticism felt more like being run over by a steamroller these days. It was soul crushing, even the most subtle slight.

He opened up his thoughts to the older man. His fears of what he was losing, the fear of being a failure, being a lousy husband, being a lousy friend. The fear of hating himself, well, more than he already did.

“If I knew where all this started to go wrong I’d love to figure out how to fix everything. But the look on her face, man, I don’t know that I can make things like they used to be. It’s her misery that rips my heart out and I don’t even know how to tell her that. Everytime I do it turns into another fight. I’m surprised that she hasn’t already left me.”

The old man took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror, too. The story sounded all too familiar. “Have you done anything nice for her lately? Not the usual stuff, but something where she knows that you’re going out of your way to try?”

“Yeah, all this overtime. I know she needs a vacation. Probably one away from me as much as away from this town and her job. She needs some fun. She and her sister have been wanting to take a trip together. A cruise. I booked it for them and that’s why I’m killing myself with overtime. I’m working to get a few extra bucks for her to have on their trip. I really want her to enjoy herself. They leave for the trip in a couple of weeks. That’s probably why she’s hanging on. I expect she’ll leave not long after they get back. Can’t blame her much, either. Seems like a dark cloud always hanging over our heads. And you know me, I don’t pass the buck on any damn thing. I take the responsibility.”

“I know you do,” the old man said. “I’ve been there before. Seems like more times than not. You know, damn near every good thing I made for myself in my life I seemed to piss away somehow. Took me some years to figure it out. By the time I did it was too late.”

He went on to tell his story. It was one that was all too familiar to Dave. A life spent mostly away at work, time rushed with family on the weekends. After a few years the family didn’t feel so important in the life of the old man. The kids grew distant when he missed little league or slept in the car while the game was going on to catch up on his rest because he was too tired to be there. Then the distance became bitterness. The wife leaves, the kids go with her. You burn yourself out working to dull the pain. Drinking to hide from the fact that you don’t have a purpose that fills you anymore, if you even had one before.

Then those nights in the bar you end up running into those same old friends you used to hang out with, go camping with, go to ballgames with. They have the same story to tell. Some are just trying to get by, like Dave. Some are a bit more reckless and bitter at life. Then one day it all comes to an end.

A massive heart attack. All the stress and never taking time to take care of yourself, because you forgot to care about yourself. That was the story the old man told Dave. It was a familiar story, just from a different point of view. The same path that he felt like he was just starting. Was that how his story would end, too?

“Remember that puppy you picked up on the side of the road when you seven?” the old man asked. “Some jerk left that sweet little pup there to die. If it had lived it would have surely been feral and probably a bit dangerous. But you insisted on picking that animal up and taking it home. But you didn’t like the chores of taking care of it. So you’d go play with your friends and leave the dog alone in the yard and he’d growl at you. He was angry! But when you stuck around the rest of the summer to play with the dog he saw how much you loved him. He turned into the sweetest dog. Do you remember?”

“I do. Just like it was yesterday. Broke my heart to put Dinky down. He was the best.”

“That dog loved you. All you had to do was give him some love back. He didn’t get angry when you went to school and he didn’t see you all day. He was angry when you lived life and didn’t include him in the fun. But he came around. There’s a lesson in that story, if you haven’t figured it out.”

The old man rubbed his stubble. “Your wife is right about one thing. When you get a little older the stubble looks good,” he smiled.

“It’s not too late to fix things. The first thing you have to fix is yourself. Be good to yourself, kid. Treat yourself like you are somebody that you are responsible for taking care of.”

Life wasn’t meant to be complicated. We treat life like it is some race to be won. We rush around trying to fill it up with meaningless things and unnecessary accolades. The whole time we miss the purpose, which is just to be living and be present in the moment. We try to force life to be something it’s not. Just let it be.

“What happens when you make that morning cup of coffee and just leave it sitting on the table in front of you for a half hour, knowing that you need that boost to have a great day?”

“It gets cold,” Dave said.

“It gets cold. You left it sitting for too long even though you were right there. Do you understand?”

“Where were you when I was young and needed this advice, dad?”

“No one ever taught it to me, son. I had to learn it all the hard way. I can’t go back and fix things because I didn’t know how to. Not until it was too late.”

“I miss you, dad.”

“I know, buddy. I know.”

Dave pushed the bottle away from him and looked back up at himself in the mirror. He gave himself a real smile this time. He rubbed his stubble. She was right, it did look good on him.

“Everything okay, Dave?” Kevin asked. “Who were you talking to?”

“Talking to an old ghost. Probably talking to myself a bit, too.”

“Another beer?”

“No, thanks. I think I’m going to head on home early tonight.”